so many frogs so little time

So it's been awhile... not much time to kiss frogs with my schedule :) but I have had my fair share of nasty frogs!! so here is a little update

my Bahama Babe turned out to be QUITE the frog as my instinct that was telling me there was more to the story was correct....waaaaaay more to the story and when I started feeling like a ``secret`` and after only 2 weeks he professed his love....well I was OUT to say the least!

While I wasn`t looking for anything serious being made to feel like a secret is probably an indication that his single status was not so single! too bad cuz the eye candy was fantastic but not worth the trouble and I am NO man`s secret and all that that entails. No thank you.... NEXT frog please!!

This all led me to the decision that on-line was an option as I seemed to hit a streak of old men that didn`t want to take no for an answer and my limited choice of frogs in my territory was looking a little smaller!

At least I can `screen` them a little in the safety of my bedroom :) and am I GLAD to screen them!! apparently men over the age of 45 cannot read and feel so compelled to send me emails, winks, and smiles even though my age range was 32-45! 59 seems to be the magical age of men that I attract! yeesh and talk about aggressive! one man when I politely sent him a reply to his many emails that I was flattered for the compliment but I did not think we would be a great match then was bombarded with emails trying to argue with me that he was in better shape then most men half his age and ... get this ... in fact he just had his prostrate examined and was deemed in the most excellent health.... I puked in my mouth a little and then replied `` you are the same age as my father who I have a great relationship with and not looking for another dad`` .... sometimes being polite doesn`t pay! he sent me quite a few more emails all of which I ignored!! I also had a 23 year old send me a picture of his private part displayed in a proud manner.... again I puked and have a hard time understanding why men think it`s so attractive cuz really..... not so much!  a whole slew emailed me from all over the states and some even from other countries... cuz really a long distance relationship is exactly what I said I wanted... uh hem yes it has been interesting

but

there were 2 that emailed me from my area... in my age range.... and were polite and not gross and inappropriate... I met both for coffee.... 1 for 5 hours... 1 for 2 hours.... it didn`t take me long to know that only 1 really had my attention and so I have been out with him 3 times this past week! he is a total gentleman...opens doors, pays the bills... and hasn`t said 1 thing to make me feel objectified and really ... thats a nice change :)

I feel comfortable with him. We seem to have endless things to talk about and the talking comes easy. I can talk to him about things like my faith that I haven`t done in .... what seems like forever... it`s nice....very nice.... have to say that so far he is renewing my hope that not all men are frogs!

the set up....or something close

An acquaintance of mine has been telling me she wants to set me up with her hubby's best friend for a little while now. ... I was very flattered that she wanted to set me up with what I consider a pretty close set up...setting up with someone you know is one thing... a husbands BEST friend it quite another... so I finally met him at their wedding,.... the acquaintance and her now hubby :) ... it wasn't a date set up or even close as I met him the night before the wedding and we chatted briefly...me blabbing all my crap cuz I just don't know when to SHUT UP! seriously what is WRONG with me???!!! I am starting to realize I am doomed to be kissing a LOT of frogs due to my big fat mouth! but at any rate we met we chatted and we saw each other the next night at the actual wedding... I thought... mmmmm we definitely seem to be at ease with each other and that is a good thing, he fits my attraction criteria...tall and on the bigger side .... seeing as I am totally NEW at reading these situations correctly I quickly assumed I was wrong later that evening as when I was loading my van up for the evening the best friend aka best man and person that I was told they wanted to set me up with...understanding THIS night was not a set up but merely an introduction... I saw said person making out with another woman who was attending the wedding.... and that pretty much was a wrap! I get that it wasn't a real date.... just an introduction... it just felt really really strange!

I am still chatting with my Bahama babe but I am seeing that this is not really going to turn into my prince as much as I would like it too, just being totally realistic!

as if!!

to all the OLD men out there.... this will never be me! I appreciate the effort but grossed out more!

I have a healthy relationship with my dad thank you very much so no I will not fly to Paris with you anytime please stop asking!!

house party from the twilight zone

Last night was girls night out... I put on one of my favorite skirts a nice tight sweater and the most adorable pink satin high heels you ever did see... and yes I usually plan the outfit around my shoes.. I LOVE shoes!

We went out for dinner...then skipped down the beach to a mutual friends house and the headed off in 2 cabs, apparently they don't let you double up anymore and there were 5 of us, to a house party. The promise and lure of the house party was that there was to be "single men our age" there.....interesting proposal and while I am NOT looking at the moment... happily " kissin" my Bahama babe :), did I mention he is HOT??!!,...

we did all agree to go "check it out"

what we found did not match the picture in my head..I don't think it would have matched anyone's picture in their head!

first the house was big and beautiful, ascetically right up my ally but off the bat there was a noticed absence of any pictures or decor and a scarce smattering of furniture... it was apparent there was NO female living in this house!! the bags of chips that filled the cupboards was my confirmation.

Apparently the gentleman who owns the house ex-wife cleaned him out... that is an over statement!!

the "single men our age" was like walking on to the set of the revenge of the nerds movie set... I sort of feel like a snob saying so but hey this is my blog and I call it like I see it. There were several twilight zone moments. I found myself texting my Bahama Babe for him to come rescue me but it was not to be and so I stayed it out. Now the gentlemen were all nice and eager to entertain us and refill our plastic wine glasses... yes I said PLASTIC! they invited us to go into the hot tub which was met with a firm instant No Thanks. They looked like they were accountants and we couldn't quite figure out how the young 3 girls in their early 20's fit into the scene...we kindly regarded them as the "teenagers" :) extremely jealous of their age or what??!!! :)

It had to be the lamest house party I have ever been to... and I haven't been to many but this one would take the cake.

Next time I get invited to a house party with "single men our age" I think I might take a rain check!

state of mind

There is a certain amount of naivety that is present when you have been FAR FAR removed from the big scary world of dating for a very very long time! It is fair to say that I am green, an innocent even :) ok I am not sure if I can get away with innocent :) but green oh hell ya I am green!

I feel like a little girl in a big girl's arena!

Like Strawberry shortcake going into the same club as .... Betty Boop! not the same league.

Unfortunately this is my current state of mind

I am not sure I am getting very far in the dating world in my current state!

the rules

I know you are waiting to hear more on my date.... what am I willing to put out there though!?! haha well I can say that we plan to do go out again asap or as soon as my schedule will allow and that is not very often! He told me he is just a call away and will be willing to go out with me whenever I can fit him in. Some may say that is too easy and he should play a little hard to get but I also told him that I want upfront and honest! total straight shooter! and I am doing the same! NOT looking for a relationship, just a little fun and not much more at this point. I have a full life and I am content. By the way I think that "line" is a real conversational starter in my little experience and from what I can tell... the guys like it! who knew?!

I am not sure what the rules are for a woman who is closing in on 38 has 4 daughters works 6-7 days a week and has a fair bit of drama still with the ex?!

yup I fall into a WHOLE other category I bet if you google that you will just find links to me!

so what are the rules?

I think they are the following:

1 - totally wear the best high heels ... makes short legs look longer and most importantly .. skinnier
2 - try not to talk about crazy drama with ex bad bad bad idea although hard to avoid since crazy drama consumes way too much of your little energy
3 - don't eat something that will get stuck in your teeth but that's just good common sense
4 - ask lots of good questions and listen and get them to talk about themselves, helps to avoid breaking rule #2
5 - don't wear underwear that gets stuck up your butt... really uncomfortable and it will occupy your thoughts hence making rule #4 challenging
6 - don't get drunk ... ok oops this may be a hard one to avoid as nerves take over and so to avoid sitting there silently looking stupid the hand reaches for the glass stem and goes to mouth way too quickly making gentleman feel obligated to buy you another, if gentleman does not offer to buy you another drink he may be cheap and that is a sign to RUN, leaving no other option then to stop at liquor store on the way home from date and drink in bed and watch Pride and Prejudice! I know I am giving away all my trade secrets here but hey that's what I do!

I will not admit to breaking any of my listed rules :)

my rule - go out there have fun and learn how to talk to guys without feeling like a dork and without showing embarrassing baby pictures of your kids, be up front and honest, be myself, and probably the most important right now - learn to read the red flags!!! apparently they are very important and help you to avoid rebound guy!

a real live date

Friday Night as many of you know..and are waiting with anticipation to hear about... I had a date... what I refer to as a real live date!! I don't really consider my earlier frogs real dates I guess!

(I actually don't have much time to write this and am sans internet at home so I will continue some of this later I am sure)

mmmm where to start? :)

well I met this guy with a group of my girlfriends a couple of weekends ago... he walked in .. we all turned our heads and wiped the drool off our chins! after a short discussion it was decided that a drink shall be ordered and sent over by the server and an invitation to come join us was the order of the night.

He did.

I was sure that he would be smitten by my other girlfriends as they are all quite beautiful and considered myself at pretty bad odds...may be why I am busy kiss'n frogs!! my self esteem and confidence while is in the process of rebuilding is not quite all there yet. I admit I was a few drinks in, mmmm maybe a theme developing here oops! ... and the chatter was free flowing as usual in that state. Apparently I was what had captured his attention and it was quickly obvious that there were some sparks flying between the 2 of us.

Bob's your Uncle and we had exchanged numbers and after a couple of hours of me blabbing me mouth with only a couple of looks from the girls to STOP chattering about the ex and kids... I was pretty sure that this guy was actually going to call me... apparently I asked him that repeatedly that night he has told me since! hehe again... oops not so confident there yeah uh hem!

So this leads us to Friday night

he said he would pick me up between 5 and 6 ... so of course I was ready at 4:45 :) then sat and tried to distract myself from checking the door every 5 min and thoughts that he wasn't going to show up. I was self conscious of the MASSIVE zit that had appeared the day before...what is with that??!! 37 and still get whoppers!!

he picked me up at 5:45, he apparently got a little lost he said but looked very happy to see me and vice versa. We went to a local chic place and he apologized for asking where I would like to go and told me that next time he will have the whole evening planned as he could tell that I am a woman who makes many decisions all day long and when she is taken out she doesn't want to make the decisions... um read that one 100%... actually he nailed quite a few things about me absolutely correct, it was a little strange having a practical stranger know things like that and it left me asking myself.. .is this a typical thing that happens? you will see from my posts that I pysco-analyze a LOT :)

The conversation flowed. He told me all about his fishing adventures, he is from the Bahamas originally and YES he has an accent and is over 6 feet tall...this is the part when you swoon with me :) it was easy to listen to him talk and easy to talk to him. He told me several times that he felt very at ease with me, again NO clue if this is a well used line or whether it matters haha! The way he talked about free diving with sharks and fishing ... I felt like I was there! he is very good at explaining and describing things. I liked that.

I also liked that he just ordered what he wanted to order.. no hassling the waitress for a deal or a freebie.. ok rebound guy did that ALL the time and it was embarrassing to me. I mentioned what the drink specials were and he even said oh I never look at those I just order what I want... swoon ... I LOVE that.

Afterwards he said it was too early to take me home although I told him it couldn't be a late night as I had a special day planned with my oldest daughter early in the morning so we went to a local pub, sat a little closer and talked. He asked to hold my hand.. GULP ... I didn't see the harm in that and man does he have nice hands ... again the conversation was free and easy and then I yawned.. I know what the heck is that???!!! well my crazy schedule is just that.. crazy ... so it's no wonder and so he took me home and said .. any time you would like to go out please let me know, I would like to take you out again.... SWOON ...

to be cont'd

the "texter"

One of the FEW...emphasis on few ... times I have been to the local watering hole that has semi decent dance music so I can shake what my mother gave me.. ok I actually don't talk like that! I met the "texter".

My friend and I started talking to 2 guys that were there, that particular night the overall attendance was quite low and it was pretty lame all around and as I happened to be a few beverages in to the evening I was free flowing with my chatter ... ok I don't have to be a few drinks IN to start the chatter! I am a total chatter box and pretty much willing to tell anyone anything about me! gee ya think!

We laughed, we drank, we made fun of people on the dance floor, we danced a little and then my number and one of the guy's number were swapped. Disclaimer... that was a total first for me! and notice I didn't say it would be the last :)  the next day I got a text pretty early and for over 3 weeks straight received numerous texts throughout the day and evening.

I did meet him for 2 quick coffees and each time we chatted easily and the conversation flowed.

He did have a new puppy (and ok I could smell dog on his clothes and I never even gave him a hug or hand shake just sat across the table, I am a tad allergic and my nose was twitching ) and my newly adapted fear of a man's relationship with the critters had me a little on alarm.

I actually asked him " so what would YOU do if you were at the Grey Cup and your dog got out at home and was roaming around? would you leave the game and your date that you took to the game? if you got a phone call and said the dog is at your place but you didn't feel you could be totally sure? what would you do?" ... if you are wondering if the above was asked out of experience you would be totally correct! see post and picture below :) his reply " well if the dog was at the house then I wouldn't leave but if it was wondering all over the place then I would want to go" yah that was pretty much it for me, not that I was that interested any ways but based on my personal experience and feelings about ditching a human for a dog... well I was done.

He thought we had quite a "connection" which I found interesting cuz I didn't know what he meant. I certainly didn't FEEL the sky move or anything else for that matter. I told him several times I was not interested in anything more then friends in any way shape or form, that I simply wasn't ready. He assured me that that was fine with him and he just liked "talking" to me.

I live with my phone pretty much at my side but this guy took texting pretty seriously. I found I rolled my eyeballs a time or 2 when he sent one thinking, again?!!!

There was talk about going to a movie ... as FRIENDS I kept insisting .... and for some reason or another all attempts had to be cancelled due to the numerous offspring I have the pleasure of raising and once due to his 1 child. It just wasn't meant to be and I found I was relieved. I couldn't bring myself to not respond to his texts and was probably too proficient in reminding him that nothing would come of it. He kept insisting that was ok and he understood.

Then as quickly and fierce as his texts came they suddenly stopped.

Like stopped stopped.

I actually have wondered ... did he get hit by a bus or something? I do hope he is ok, I am sure he is, said with a little guilt at having no idea what protocol is in this situation.

It was a good lesson in trusting my gut and being upfront, maybe did a little over kill on the upfrontedness but it felt like he needed constant reminders.

So this frog never did get kissed, he was too busy texting the wrong girl :)

rebound guy

So I guess everyone has to have their "rebound guy" and I was no exception!

I don't know why I thought I would magically miss the wonderful opportunity to embarrass myself with choosing an absolute LOSER as the first guy I dated after I was dumped on my ass!

yup it happened

well there was sort of a guy before that but it doesn't really count and I am SO not going there

I was set up by people I trusted... still do actually they were totally fooled by the lunatic as well ..... I figured this was a safe way as while I WAS feeling desperate to do something to shut the door on Mr Ex I had no idea what I was jumping into... and jump I did

the red flags were pretty much flagging right out of the gate, the man actually left the fundraiser we met at to check on his dog WAY too many times. I like dogs but this man and his dog took man's best friend to a whole new level.

I am not sure a blind bull would have missed the red flags waving to be totally honest but I am assuming that this is what a rebound guy is all about ....  you simply choose to ignore the obvious in any attempt to forget the memories you are desperate to escape.

My other blaring issue is that I didn't ... probably still don't ... know HOW TO DATE? I mean HOW the H E L L do you date in 2012 when the last time I "dated" I was like, what? 18? when cell phones meant you carried huge battery packs over your shoulder and the Internet was only in the extreme beginnings!! add 20 years, 20 pounds and well I was lost, haha ok understatement of the year but you get the point

I fell instantly into the role that I had played for 15 years ... submissive and pathetic and blind oh so blind ... I ignored it all just to be held and told what I wanted to hear although I started to get confused on that part as well!

I also broke my rules about man meeting children  yah DUMB will only do that once .... I hope :) I said I am learning not necessarily a FAST learner!!!

So to make a VERY long post shorter somehow man loved dog more then anything which is actually ok because the obvious red flags were there for more reasons then his passion for his dog  and when I say he is passionate about his dog I am NOT exaggerating like weird weird weird , I am pretty sure there would be a new therapy group based on this!

In 1 months time, I mentioned I am not a FAST learner right?! well yah I couldn't ignore crazy anymore and walked ... and then cuz I was lonely and maybe a tad pathetic, I can admit it I am a big girl, I tried to be "just friends" but that didn't work and it took me awhile to figure out you just can't fix crazy and saw it all for what it was

he was a huge rebound into the realizations that YIKES, I was SO not ready and had to do a little self examination and a self esteem reboot and put my priorities back in line

I think I am there... ok well almost!!

I have managed to escape the "dating" scene since then .... didn't say I didn't have any other experiences... just didn't "date" :) but that's another post !! total teaser in which I am really saying if I leave you hanging a little you might come back and read my blog some more :) yes I am that pathetic... told ya so!

this Friday night I embark on my first real date in a long time... I am nervous then hell, extremely excited, with a side more nervous .. I will most likely have to self talk myself all through dinner to NOT talk about my kids and my ex and how I was scorned and blah blah blah

stay tuned .... please???!!!!!

and so it begin's.... well sort of

I really feel like I don't have a CLUE what I am doing in the "dating" world! This blog is my personal experiences of re-entering this scary world. At least my attempt at it!

So who am I?

I am re-discovering myself at the moment! but what I do know is this

I am almost 38 presently
was married for over 15 years with him for 21 years thereabouts and have been single for 16 months and counting, while my ex husband lives with a widow and her gaggle of children
I am putting my nose to the grindstone to support my 4 daughters and myself
it's a crazy time
drama is drawn to me or I am drawn to it I have yet to decide :)

I am not ready for a relationship at this point in any way and I tried dating awhile ago but lets face it only 10 months after the ex left isn't long enough and that was a disaster....more on that later :) but I thought it would be fun to "share" my findings and experiences as I brave this whole new world!

The context of this blog is meant to be light...totally fluffy and totally for fun... if I cause offense in any way... I don't really care :) you miss the point and feel free to delete from your list of favorites and move on :)

I hope when you read this you are able to put your feet up drink your martini and have a little laugh and even perhaps live vicariously through me!

cheers!